You'll Never Know

You'll never know.

What am I talking about?



Anything, anything in your life right now. What is it you really want to know, but are too afraid to find out? What is it you're afraid of finding? The truth? Why is it scary?

This has been on my mind so much lately. We're always afraid to know about something. Maybe if we got into that program we wanted to get into, if our grades were what we hoped, or if our novel turned out how we wished it would. Maybe we're afraid to know if it will rain on our perfect day tomorrow.

Maybe we're afraid to know what God wants us to do with our lives.

We're afraid to question what we're doing with our lives. We just want to sit right here, all comfy cozy.

Complacent.

We want everything to stay just as it always has been. Because there's that tipping point, where you leave the comfortable and risk that feeling for something greater. Something blurry, a spark in the night, a flash in the dark. Maybe only you see it, but you go for it.

Or you don't. Most people don't.

They like that nice little world of knowns and straight paths. But the truth is, they're probably wondering late into the night "what would happen if I left this place? Would things get better and brighter, or would they get worse?"

They will never know unless they try.


You're never going to know if being a doctor is for you until you try. You're never going to know if you can be a novelist until you try to write a novel. Just like I was never going to know if I wanted to be a professional dancer if I didn't get a taste of that life. And if you do get a taste of that life, and it hits you like the sky is falling, you end up back a square one.

Square one. Terrifying, right? Everyone is afraid of square one.

But square one is actually pretty cool. It's like hitting rock-bottom--the only way to go is up (yes, I took that from a Disney movie). You have millions of choices, so many things to do now that that thing you were chasing is gone.

Some people stay in this place, forever dazed by all the possibilities of life, afraid to try one for fear it will be the wrong one. Maybe they're waiting for a booming voice from Heaven to command them, "Thou shalt become an Olympic runner."

That voice is not going to come, at least probably not like that.

It's going to be quiet. Really quiet. Trust me. The only thing you're going to hear at first is the silence. Then, you're going to hear something, a little nudge, a whisper, a tiny urge in a direction. Will you give in? Where is it taking you?

You won't know until you follow it. Would you rather live the rest of your life wondering about it, or go and run hard after it? And even if you fall, then you'll know that you have to keep running hard after the next thing, and the next, and the next. And God might keep slamming all the doors shut in your face, but eventually, you're going to find an open door.

It's like standing in a maze, all the possible escape routes glaring at you. You've got to get out. Maybe you can speculate which one might take you out, or you can start running. Maybe running doesn't sound good. But you don't have to do it madly. Just. Get. Moving.

So that thing. The answer you're afraid to discover. The choice you're afraid to make. The opportunity you're afraid to take. Probably against the inner urges that tell you to do it, the one you ignore because you're afraid. Just do it. Try.

Else you'll never know.

 <3

Audrey Caylin


And that was me getting back into my vague posts about life, trying out new fonts, and experimenting with Canva XD Have you ever had to do something terrifying to chase after your dream?